Five Ways To Get Fat

We live in a society where we are obsessed with being skinny. We want new diet pills, new diet plans, and new fixes. Instead, what we need to be concerned about is how to get fat. For life is short, and we need to live and enjoy it! Not stress ourselves about being skinny like some who have fallen weak in doing so.

Rule 1: Do not eat breakfast in the morning.

Eating breakfast would jump start your metabolism. And why would you want to do that? You want to slow it down by allowing your blood sugar level to drop. Furthermore, who has time to eat breakfast? That means getting up early, and you may already have a long commute to work. Instead, a cup of coffee is more practical and convenient, especially at work. A cup of java would give you that “get up and go” attitude. And if that doesn’t work, nibble on some office snacks, such as cake, muffins, a candy bar at the receptionist desk, because you’re still feeling a little lethargic. By lunchtime you will be really hungry.

Rule 2: Continue to wreak havoc by eating the wrong foods or taking in too many calories at once or no calories at all.

Fast foods, such as hamburgers, breaded chicken sandwiches, fries with a super-size diet soda are great lunch meals. And when you are really hungry, a pasta meal is what you need. Load it up! Because now you’re really hungry. But maybe you don’t have the time to eat lunch. That is absolutely wonderful! A better idea is to not eat at all! Starve yourself. Because if you reduce your calories, so that you’re basically eating one or two meals a day, your body will think it is starving and hold on to the fat or store more of it. Why? A calorie restricted diet will prompt a starvation response in the body causing the fat -storing enzymes to increase in size and ability. The more fat -storing enzymes the more the body has the ability to store more fat as future fuel. And that’s exactly what you want.

Rule 3: Couple this condition with a sit down job.

You have deadlines to meet, projects to oversee, calls to return, emails to answer, kids to pick up. You need to conserve your energies for what’s important. You don’t even have time to take a nature walk much less go to the gym. That is totally out of the question. Good! Because that’s just the right attitude you need to gain weight. Do not move from the desk unless you are going to use the restroom. In other words, do not exercise at ALL! By not exercising, your body will not require much fuel, and you will have more fat in storage. This plan works perfectly for those trying to add those extra pounds because at the end of a stressful long day, who has the energy left to exercise? Instead a good night’s sleep is really what you need. But please don’t do this because a good night’s sleep would ruin everything.

Rule 4: Do not get sufficient sleep.

 
Why? Because insufficient sleep is what you really need in order to be successful. At the 2006 American Thoracic Society International Conference, studies revealed that women who received 5 hours or less sleep per night had the tendency to weigh more than women who received 7 hours of sleep per night. Inadequate sleep interferes with the body’s ability to metabolize carbohydrates and causes high blood levels of glucose, which leads to higher insulin levels, and greater body-fat storage. In addition, a lack of sleep drives down the levels of leptin, a hormone that controls the amount of fat in the body, signaling to the body when it is full. Low levels of leptin cause the body to crave carbohydrates. As people gain weight they become more resistant to the signals sent out by the hormone.

Rule #5: Eat late at night.

So at night when you are watching your favorite television show, such as Grey’s Anatomy, Law and Order, Ugly Betty, indulge in your favorite dessert. It may be some ice cream, a few cookies, some chips-just whatever your appetite craves.

Then tomorrow morning when you are tired– too tired to fix breakfast, have a cup of coffee. Jump start your engine with something sweet, preferably. Make up for your calorie deficit at lunch, better still at dinner. Remember, don’t move around too much and stay up late enjoying your big screen high -definition, liquid crystal television. Remember the key is to fail to plan. Don’t plan for your meals, and don’t plan to get sufficient sleep in order for your body to function in optimum condition.

Food and Spirituality

Comfort Foods

A chunk of rich, moist, chocolate cake, topped with soft, creamy, smooth vanilla ice cream, drizzling with sweet caramel; a slab of succulent, juicy steak with a grandiose baked potato covered with yellow churned melted butter.  How many of us have found ourselves pursuing the kind of pleasure derived from food?  For those of us who are unable to identify, perhaps, we are in denial or have never realized that our bodies attempt to seek foods that are comforting during certain times.  These certain times can be translated predominantly into stressful moments in our lives, resulting in the need to comfort or reward ourselves by indulging in foods high in sugar and/or fats.  What’s wrong with this?  Though enjoying these foods is not in itself bad, it is important to note that such foods may lead to problems if we become addicted to them or are not aware that we are using them to mask negative feelings in order to derive positive ones.  Being cognizant of these emotional foods is, therefore, paramount because they not only have the potential to wreak havoc on our physical health but also on our spiritual health.  

 

Too often we have allowed our bodies to be dictated by harmful emotions, especially during times of adversity.  For example, one day I had a difficult day.  I had a grueling two hour interview which felt more like four hours that morning, a speech on the run that afternoon for my Toastmaster’s group, and a cesspool of voicemail messages to return before the workday officially ended.  At 5 O’clock my day was still not done.  That night, I had a women’s bible study which I had no desire to attend.  Despite my feelings, I met up with my friend and we drove together to the meeting.  On the way, we stopped at a Wal-Mart, and I picked up a bottle of Advil and a bag of my favorite Pepperidge Farm Chessman cookies.  Oh, they were so good.  The taste of sweet butter creamed together with sugar appeased my palate but only teased my mind.  

My friend looked at me as I devoured each one and asked, “Are you hungry?” 

I defiantly replied, “no” and added, “I’m just trying to feel good.” 

Unfortunately, the busyness and the many distractions in our world leave our spirits disconnected with our lives.  Instead of seeking a spiritual connection with the Creator, we succumb to feelings of depression, frustration, failure when circumstances do not go according to our plans.  We, then, try to smother these feelings by finding delight in what we eat. 

          Some of us, on the other hand, reward rather than comfort ourselves with treats.   The pertinent question here is not what’s wrong with this behavior but rather do we also seek to give God pleasure in thanking him when we have successfully completed a hard week or have been given a raise or promotion on our jobs?  Do we casually thank him, or do we take time to sit and eat with him as if at a table?  Experiencing God’s peace and joy is the fruit of the spirit, and a reality for us who allow our faith to be tested by putting our trust in God’s words.

           The fact that Jesus admonishes us to fast suggests that food can be an impasse in hearing God.  In the positive, we are able to hear God better when we fast, especially during difficult periods in our lives, because we are not preoccupied, whether it be mindfully or mindlessly, with pleasing our bodies.  As a result, our spiritual senses are heightened and there is less interference. 

          Eating a well balanced diet consisting of fruits and vegetables also helps to keep us spiritually alert.  If God’s sacred spirit resides in our bodies, then we must also seek to nourish regularly our human vessels with pure, unadulterated food.  Then we may find it easier to focus while praying and meditating.